Tip Of My Tongue Mini's
by emackenzie
Summary: Bits and pieces of the year Jude and Tommy spend apart.
1. Not Enough

I'm not going to write out the whole year, and I'm not sure if I will even write out the wedding. But from some of the reviews I got, I found the inspiration to write this, and a few other tidbits, so I will see where it takes me and what it leads to.

* * *

><p>It was gut retching painful to watch him as she sang the song. To see the glisten of tears on his checks. It was like a punch in the stomach to know that she had done this to him. She knew she couldn't look at him, she needed to sing the song, she needed to get it out of her, she needed him to hear her. She pressed the headphones tighter to her ears, turning away from him. But his imagine seemed to be burned in her memory, she could still make out every detail of his face in her mind. She had hurt him, and she hadn't meant to. She had every intention of having a life with him, being a rock star with him. But her words spoke for her. He wasn't enough for her, he never had been. And this song was all that she was able to give him now, she knew how cliché is was, to tell him that it was her, not him, but in this case it was the truth. He had been perfect, it had been her that couldn't commit, she wasn't able too.<p>

_I'm sorry if this hurts you,  
>but I tried to keep what we had once, I was wrong<br>it wasn't keeping me awake,  
>you didn't listen, you didn't listen<br>you didn't hear me, you didn't hear me  
>when I said I want more I got no more,<br>you weren't stealing me away._

_It's not enough  
>it's not enough to give me what it is I want<br>it's not enough  
>it's not enough to get me everything I need<br>And I wish it was  
>I think its time to give this up.<em>

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh_  
><em>ohhh<em>  
><em>All the memories that we're losing<em>  
><em>all the time that I spent with you everyday<em>  
><em>I think it's running down the drain<em>  
><em>I'm feeling that we're fading<em>  
><em>don't make this as hard as you think it would be<em>  
><em>it's a lot easier than it seems yeah<em>

_It's not enough_  
><em>it's not enough to get me what it is I want<em>  
><em>it's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to get me everything I need<em>  
><em>and I wish it was<em>  
><em>I think it's time to give this up.<em>

_And I can feel were falling down_  
><em>slowly slowly<em>  
><em>I can see us starting to drown<em>  
><em>Can't stop it now<em>  
><em>I can see we're burning out<em>  
><em>so show me show me<em>  
><em>how you gonna turn it around?<em>  
><em>because<em>

_It's not enough_  
><em>it's not enough to give me what it is I want<em>  
><em>it's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to get me everything I need<em>  
><em>It's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to give me what it is I want<em>  
><em>it's not enough it's not enough to get me everything I need<em>  
><em>and I wish it was<em>  
><em>I think it's time to give this up.<em>  
><em>It's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to give me what it is I want<em>  
><em>it's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to get me everything I need<em>  
><em>It's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to give me what it is I want<em>  
><em>it's not enough<em>  
><em>it's not enough to get me everything I need*<em>

As the music ended she could feel her own tears rolling down her cheeks, splashing onto her unsteady hands, making her throat feel tight, holding the cry in.

"That was good Jude." Luke's voice filled the booth. "Why don't you take a moment?"

She didn't need to see the sympathy on his face to hear it in his voice. She headed for the door, she would give anything to not be seen by anyone else, she hated it when people saw her cry. With her head down she headed for the bathroom, the one place she knew she could hide from the rest of the label.

She looked at herself in the mirror, wiping the tears off and fixing her makeup. It took her a few moment to calm down, a few deep breaths. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket, and quickly hit number three on her speed dial. She knew that she could get his voicemail, it was what wanted.

"You've reached my cell, leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I have a chance." His voice was more professional than she remembered.

"Hey, sorry for calling so early." She said softly. She wished that his message was longer, those few seconds of listening weren't enough. "Don't call me back, I just needed to hear your voice." She ended the call just as quickly as she had started it. Even though those few seconds, words that she had heard weren't enough, they were what she needed. She knew that she could do this, and she smiled as she looked at the twist tie on her finger.

As she walked back towards the studio she was working in, she could see him leaving, the pain still visible on his face. She felt her heart ache for him, for them and what they had been. When she returned from Toronto three weeks ago she had explained to him that there break up wasn't going to change, and he had shoved a picture of her and Tommy at the airport in her face. There was nothing she could do to express how sorry she was for hurting him, not simple because she didn't have the words at the time, but because he still wouldn't listen to her. And that is why she had written the song. David had assured her that it was good, good enough for her album, and that is why she had sang it, to finally have him hear her words.

She stood back in front of the microphone and nodded her head and Luke, slipping the headphones back on.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah." Jude smiled, she was ready.

_*Avril Lavigne Not Engouh_


	2. Long Live

Inspiration come's in the strangest forms some times. If anyone knows of any good family related songs, I'm looking for one.

* * *

><p>"You want a different band?" Nicola looked furious. Jude was sure it was taking everything she had to keep herself from ripping off Paddy's head. "You leave for your tour in two weeks." She looked back at me.<p>

"It's not really a new band." Jude smiled. She chewed on her lip for a second. Things hadn't been the same working with All Time High, not since the break up. She had laughed to Tommy that she had been the Yuko Ono of her own band, and he had reminded her that she had started down that road once before. "I want to tour with SME."

"You're old band?" she laughed.

"I've taken care of all their contract issues, it would be great exposure for NBR, so they have no problem with their artists doing the tour." Paddy sighed. Jude could tell her was tired of her requests, but this was the last one she had, the only one she needed filled.

"Can you please explain to me what is so important about this group?" Nicola asked, her mouth was tight.

"You heard the song I recorded in Toronto, with them, everything is better." Jude smiled. "They chemistry with us, its mind blowing."

"Do they even have passports?" Nicola asked. With the release of the Instant Star album, they had added more days to her tour, expanding it into South America.

"They got them when the came to visit me a few years back," Jude smiled.

Jude watched her as she thought it over, looking down at the names on the paper, the NBR numbers. When she heard the sigh, she knew.

"Fine, they will have to sigh for six months, learn all of your songs." She told her.

"They already know them." Jude smiled. It was hard to sit there, to contain her happiness at that moment. She wanted to girl the woman, she wanted to hug Paddy, but she wouldn't. She stood quickly, turning to leave the room.

"Don't make me regret this Jude." Nicola warned as Jude left her office.

One the door was closed, she scrambled to call them. "Put it on speaker." She nearly shouted.

"Dude, ow." Speiderman laughed. "Okay, speaker."

"We're going on tour together!" Jude shouted, jumping out and down. She was going to be touring with her band, with her friends.

"Dudes!" she could hear the shouts of happiness. "This is awesome, it's going to be so sweet."

"Way better than a Nana's Basement Tour." She heard Kyle laughed.

"Hey!" Jamie shouted.

"There is so much we need to do to get ready." Jude said as she walked down the way, people had started to watch her, as she was jumping around out of excitement.

"We'll start practicing." Wally shouted.

"Good, Jamie, Paddy will be sending everything over to you guys, they need to sign for the tour," Jude explained.

"I'll take care of everything on this end." Jamie assured her.

"Alright, then I'll see you guys in two weeks!" Jude laughed before hanging up. She couldn't wait to be back with SME, to be playing live with them again.

_I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind  
>The time we stood with our shaking hands<br>The crowds and stands went wild  
>We were the Kings and the Queens<br>And they read off our names  
>The night you danced like you knew our lives<br>Would never be the same  
>You held your head like a hero<br>On a history book page  
>It was the end of a decade<br>But the start of an age_

_Long live the walls we crashed through  
>How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you<br>I was screaming long live all the magic we made  
>And bring on all the pretenders<br>One day we will be remembered_

_I said remember this feeling  
>I passed the pictures around<br>Of all the years that we stood there  
>On the side-lines wishing for right now<br>We are the Kings and the Queens  
>You traded your baseball cap for a crown<br>When they gave us our trophies  
>And we held them up for our town<br>And the cynics were outraged  
>Screaming this is absurd<br>Cause for a moment a band of thieves  
>In ripped up jeans got to rule the world<em>

_Long live the walls we crashed through  
>How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you<br>I was screaming long live all the magic we made  
>And bring on all the pretenders<br>I'm not afraid  
>Long live all the mountains we moved<br>I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you  
>I was screaming long live the look on your face<br>And bring on all the pretenders  
>One day we will be remembered<em>

_Hold on to spinning around  
>Confetti falls to the ground<br>May these memories break our fall_

_Will you take a moment, promise me this  
>That you'll stand by me forever<br>But if god forbid fate should step in  
>And force us into a goodbye<br>If you have children some day  
>When they point to the pictures<br>Please tell them my name  
>Tell them how the crowds went wild<br>Tell them how I hope they shine_

_Long live the walls we crashed through  
>I had the time of my life with you<br>Long, long live the walls we crashed through  
>How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you<br>I was screaming long live all the magic we made  
>And bring on all the pretenders<br>I'm not afraid  
>Singing, long live all the mountains we moved<br>I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you  
>I was screaming long live the look on your face<br>And bring on all the pretenders  
>One day we will be remembered<em>

_*Taylor Swift Long Live_


	3. Worst December

Jude was rambling, she knew she was rambling because he wasn't saying anything, and it made her nervous. She wished that he would stop her, prove her feelings wrong, show her that he was listening. "It's been three months." She finally whispered. There phone calls seemed to get shorter and shorter.

"Yeah." Came the only response.

She could feel the nervous tears in her eyes. "My album is almost done, I'll leave for my tour in a few weeks." She wanted to hear him be excited, she wanted to hear him period.

"Did you finish that song?" he asked.

She smiled slightly, he was listening, but it still didn't seem like he cared, like it really mattered to him. "No." she whispered back. "I could use your help." She hadn't thought about asking him before, maybe his help was what she needed, what they both needed.

"I can't, I've got a lot I need to work on." She could hear the distraction in his voice, every time she had talked to him he sounded farther and farther away. The silver twist tie seemed to be laughing at her as she lay in bed.

"Right." She could hear the hurt in her own voice, but he didn't seem to notice. "I should go, Marcie and I have plans."

"Okay." Was all he said before the line went dead.

She stared at her phone, it was their only form of communication, the only thing that was holding them together, and now she was starting to wonder if she had lost her mind back in Toronto. She reached for her journal, and bag as she passed her desk. Winter in London sucks, and this winter seemed to be worse than the ones before.

_It's a big mistake  
>50 days, 3 months away<br>I'd be laughing today  
>But your voice on the phone gives me no reason<br>Don't take from me  
>My heart is barely beating<br>Don't take from me  
>I'm falling down<em>

_All I want to do is lie in bed with you  
>All I really ever need is you<br>All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you_

_It's a different day  
>1500 miles away<br>Why would you want to stay?  
>So take a look around<em>

_All I want to do is lie in bed with you  
>All I really ever need is you<br>All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you with you with you with you_

_All I want to do to be close to you  
>All I want to do to be next to you<br>All I want is you to give up all we had to be  
>I can't remember why I'm here<br>If you'd let me spend my life with you with you_

_December's gone  
>It came and went<br>December's gone  
>It came and went<br>All I really need is you  
>December's gone<br>It came and went  
>I'm waiting here for you<br>December's gone  
>It came and went<br>December's gone  
>It came and went<em>

She should have been happy, as she stared down at the page. She was the rock star she had always wanted to do, but letting Tommy back into her head, back into her life, it wasn't making her happy. She blinked the tears away before they had the chance to fall. The only way she could make it stop hurting, to have him with her, was to give up her life, give up everything she had worked so hard for. And that wasn't an option, but was giving him up instead?__

_*Sugarcult Worst December_


	4. Raise Your Glass

"Did you pick what we're opening with?" Spied asked from the chair in the rehearsal space. They had picked Jude up from the airport five hours ago, and they had two days to pick her lineup and rehearse before their first show.

"Huh?" Jude asked being pulled from her thoughts, her silent phone in her hand. She had been waiting, wanting to hear from him, but nothing. It had been days, and she would be lying to herself if she said she didn't want to see him at the airport. She had hoped he would be the one to pick her up, but she knew it was useless. Was a year to long? There were so many times she wanted to take the silver twist tie off and throw it away, destroy it. But she couldn't give up hope.

"The opening song, dude." Speid tossed a guitar pick at him. "Pull it together."

"Sorry, umm…" she sighed and threw her phone towards the bed. She didn't want to think about the phone, she couldn't think about Tommy. "Let's open with this one." She handed him the sheet music.

"I love this one." Kyle said looking over her shoulder, "It's so much fun to play."

"Then it's the perfect opener." Speid nodded, "Let's try it."

Jude watched as all the boys took their places in the small space they had so often played in. She smiled as they started to play, nodding her head to the tune.

_Right right, turn off the lights  
>We gonna lose our minds tonight<br>What's the dealio?_

_I love when it's all too much_  
><em>5 AM turn the radio up<em>  
><em>Where's the rock and roll?<em>

_Party crasher, panty snatcher_  
><em>Call me up if you are gangsta'<em>  
><em>Don't be fancy<em>  
><em>Just get dancey<em>  
><em>Why so serious?<em>  
><em>So raise your glass if you are wrong<em>  
><em>In all the right ways<em>  
><em>All my underdogs, we will never be, never be<em>  
><em>Anything but loud<em>  
><em>And nitty gritty dirty little freaks<em>  
><em>Won't you come on, and come on, and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass<em>  
><em>Just come on and come and<em>  
><em>Raise Your Glass!<em>

_Slam slam oh hot damn_  
><em>What part of party don't you understand?<em>  
><em>Wish you'd just freak out (freak out already)<em>  
><em>Can't stop coming in hot<em>  
><em>I should be locked up right on the spot<em>  
><em>It's so on right now (so fuckin' on right now)<em>

_Party crasher, penny snatcher_  
><em>Call me up if you a gangsta'<em>  
><em>Don't be fancy<em>  
><em>Just get dancey<em>  
><em>Why so serious?<em>

_So raise your glass if you are wrong_  
><em>In all the right ways<em>  
><em>All my underdogs, we will never be, never be<em>  
><em>Anything but loud<em>  
><em>And nitty gritty dirty little freaks<em>

_Won't you come on, and come on, and_  
><em>Raise your glass<em>  
><em>Just come on and come and<em>  
><em>Raise Your Glass!<em>  
><em>Won't you come on and come on and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass!<em>  
><em>Just come on and come and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass!<em>

_Oh shit my glass is empty..._  
><em>that sucks !<em>

_So if you're too school for cool (I mean...)_  
><em>And you're treated like a fool (treated like a fool)<em>  
><em>You could choose to let it go<em>  
><em>We can always, we can always<em>  
><em>party on our own...<em>

_So raise your (Aw fuck)_  
><em>So raise your glass if you are wrong<em>  
><em>In all the right ways<em>  
><em>All my underdogs, we will never be, never be<em>  
><em>Anything but loud<em>  
><em>And nitty gritty dirty little freaks<em>  
><em>So raise your glass if you are wrong<em>  
><em>In all the right ways<em>  
><em>All my underdogs, we will never be never be!<em>  
><em>Anything but loud<em>  
><em>And nitty gritty dirty little freaks<em>  
><em>Won't you come on! and come on! and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass<em>  
><em>Just come on and come and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass<em>  
><em>Won't you come on! and come on! and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass<em>  
><em>For me<em>  
><em>Just come on and come and<em>  
><em>Raise your glass...for me*<em>

As the song came to an end Jude could feel it all click together. She scrambled to wrote down the set list, each song scribbled on a napkin. She smiled as she turned and looked back at the boys, Speid looking at his finger placement, and Wally and Kyle instructing him.

"It's perfect." She smiled at them. It was easy to push Tommy from her mind and let her music take over, it was what she had done when she had first left Toronto, and it was what she needed to do to make it through the next seven months.

*P!nk Raise Your Glass


	5. Little Wonders

Jude sat next to her sister. She could tell that she was nervous about something, as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress.

"Sadie, is everything okay?" she finally asked. It was the day before her tour, she hadn't seen Sadie in four months, but she had spoken with her almost every day, and she had always seemed fine over the phone.

"Yeah, everything's great." Sadie looked up and Jude, and glanced at Kwest, before looking back down.

"Okay." Jude said slowly, looking between the two. "Something is so not okay. Spill, what's wrong." She was nervous, she thought Sadie was going to tell her something about Tommy, that things were ending, was that why he hadn't come to the airport, why he had been so distant on the phone? She searched their faces for a sign of what they were going to tell her.

"We're-" Sadie stopped herself, Jude could tell she was struggling with the words. She looked at Kwest and for a moment she thought she could see tears in her eyes.

"You're going to be an Aunt." Kwest smiled at her.

"What?" Jude asked. The thoughts in her own head were so loud she was sure she hadn't heard them correctly.

"I'm pregnant." Sadie's voice was soft, and Jude could see now, tears of happiness were rolling down her cheeks. "We just found out today."

"Oh my gosh, Sades!" Jude laughed getting up from her spot at the table and hugging her. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks." Her sister laughed, as she brushed the tears away. "We wanted you to be the first person we told. We're going to tell dad tomorrow night, after your concert."

"He's going to be so happy." Jude beamed. "I'm so happy!" she had known that children were in the game plan for Sadie and Kwest, but she wasn't aware that it was going to be so soon. On her last trip home their marriage didn't appear to be on the best of terms, and she even remembered Sadie telling her she didn't want children until things were better with them. But that had been months ago, she wasn't one to judge her own sisters happiness.

She slide her phone out of her pocket, and under the table quickly texted "_How do you feel about being called Uncle Tommy Q, or maybe Unc ;-)"_

She had wanted to stay strong, to wait for him to call her this time, but after three days she was starting to wonder if that day was going to ever come. She sent the message and slide her phone back into her poke, knowing that all she could now was wait.

Was she stupid for waiting, it's was nearly four in the morning, she had a show that day, and needed to be at the venue by 2:00, but there she sat, her fingers on the guitar, waiting to hear back from him, trying to write a song for Sadie, for her future niece or nephew. Her eyes darted to her computer screen when she heard the ringing sound of her skype account.

She knew that her face fell a little when Marcie appeared and not him.

"Don't act like you're happy or anything." The girl laughed.

"Sorry," Jude sighed. "Should you be at work?"

"Screw those woman, I'm taking a day." The anger was apparent in her voice, and Jude looked closer at the screen. In the whole time she had known Marcie, she never took a day off.

"What happened?" she wondered.

Marcie sighed in frustration. "You know that little bugger, the one in the afternoon class that makes me want to pull my hair out?"

Jude knew what child she was referring to. Marcie's primary school ran two sessions for the preschool ages children, and she taught in the morning. Every year there seemed to be a kid that drove all the teachers crazy, but this year, the child seemed more ill behaved than any before.

"Well, I had to cover for the bloody git in the afternoon class, and the boy bit me, twice." She shouted. Jude watched as her friend showed her finger, and then turned around and pulled down the back of her shorts a little showing a bruise on her bottom. "He bit me in the ars. Can you believe that, I've never in my life been bit by a kid."

Jude couldn't help but laugh.

"When I asked why he did it, he spit at me, yelling that he was a dinosaur. This kid is mental, I'm sure of it." She was fuming. "When I called the teacher, to tell her what had happened, all she wanted to know was what I had done to make him so mad. Like that is acceptable behavior, like it was my fault."

Jude knew that she was more mad at the other teacher than the child, it was easy to tell by the tone if her voice. More hate leaked into her voice when she spoke about the teacher.

"Oh Marcie." Jude was still laughing softly, she knew that her friend was really upset. "Maybe you should bite the teacher, and when she asks why you did that, just tell her apparently when someone makes you mad you can bite them." she watched as a smile slowly grew across the woman's face, and then she started to laugh.

"That's brilliant!" she laughed, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Jude just shrugged her shoulders and smiled at her friend. As she watched her friend talk, she could feel the words to her song come, it was easier when she wasn't thinking about writing it for Sadie, but for everyone, for all those little moments.

_Let it go  
>Let it roll right off your shoulder<br>Don't you know  
>The hardest part is over<br>Let it in  
>Let your clarity define you<br>In the end  
>We will only just remember how it feels<em>

_Our lives are made  
>In these small hours<br>These little wonders  
>These twists and turns of fate<br>Time falls away,  
>But these small hours<br>These small hours  
>Still remain<em>

_Let it slide  
>Let your troubles fall behind you<br>Let it shine,  
>Till you feel it all around you<br>And I don't mind  
>If it's me you need to turn to<br>We'll get by  
>It's the heart that really matters in the end<em>

_Our lives are made  
>In these small hours<br>These little wonders  
>These twists and turns of fate<br>Time falls away  
>But these small hours<br>These small hours  
>Still remain<em>

_All of my regret  
>Will wash away somehow<br>But I cannot forget  
>the way I feel right now<em>

_In these small hours  
>These little wonders<br>These twists and turns of fate  
>Yeah, these twisted turns of fate<br>Time falls away  
>Yeah, but these small hours,<br>These small hours  
>Still remain<em>

_Yeah, oh they still remain  
>These little wonders<br>All these twists and turns of fate  
>Time falls away<br>But these small hours  
>These little wonders<br>Still remain*_

She sang it for Marcie, knowing that she had helped to inspire her.

"I'll take it, since it's not some gushing love song." Marcie laughed. "But I'm not letting it go, that git of a teacher thinks it my fault, she's lucky I don't really bit her."

Jude felt more at peace now, and yawned.

"Go to sleep love, you can get a few hours in before show time, I'll speak with you later." She blew a kiss before the screen went blank.

Everything that happens is just a twist in fate, and so far Jude knew she was happy with what fate had given her.

*Rob Thomas Little Wonders


	6. Wish You Were Here

Her eyes were glued to her phone, scanning through every twitter that had Tommy's name in it. She knew it was wrong to check up on him, to track him this way, but she couldn't bring herself to just call him.

"Jude, I need to finish your makeup." The girl sounded annoyed, every time she pushed Jude's chin up, she would drop it back down, looking again for his name.

"Yeah, sorry." Jude sighed, looking back in the mirror. She could see the person behind her working on her hair, fixing each curl. She could see the makeup brush running across her lips. The people behind her were busy working on the boys.

"No, I'm not wearing foundation, no one is going to be close enough to even see my face." Kyle protested, pushing himself out of his chair. "I'm done, I'll be in the room."

The longer the tour went on, the harder it was for them to sit through this night after night. She watched as Wally was the next to walk out of the room. She looked at Speid in the mirror and sighed.

"We're got a week off, I think they're really going to need it." Jude gave him a small smile. As the makeup artist finished she looked back at her phone, refreshing the twitter search.

"Dude what are you doing?" he asked, the two of them walked together down the hall, waving at people.

Jude stopped suddenly, it was the one she had been waiting for, the one she had wanted to see so many times. "Oh my god, Speid." She whispered. She wasn't nervous, not until now.

"What?" he asked, a few steps ahead of her. "Dude, what is it?" he asked when he saw her face.

She looked up at him and smiled, biting down on her bottom lip. "He's here." She handed him the phone, letting him read the tweet.

"I spy with my little eye, Little Tommy Q at the Jude Harrison concert." Speiderman read.

Jude felt like jumping up and down, it had been seven months since she had kissed him goodbye in Toronto, since she had seen him. "What city is there? Where are we? He's here." She wanted to scream and jump like a little girl, but she followed Speid as he grabbed her hand, pulling her down the hall to the room the others were in.

"Dude, major 911." He said closing the door, looking at Kyle and Wally.

Jude just stood, smiling ear from ear.

"Did you drug her?" Kyle asked, poking Jude's cheek before she could slap his hand away.

"Lord Squinty Frown is in the building." Speid informed them.

"How is that a 911?" Wally asked. "Isn't that a good thing, I mean Jude spends like twenty minutes before every show searching twitter."

Jude reached over and hit him in the shoulder. "Hey don't make fun of me. You're the one that has to brush your teeth five times before you go on."

"No joke, five times?" Speid asked. "Wait, this isn't the point! Since they haven't seen each other in so long, that's the 911."

"What are you thinking?" Jude asked crossing her arms in front of her.

"Let's change the lineup. You can do that new Tommy song, dedicate it to a friend in the audience." Speid smiled.

Jude reached over and pulled Speid's head over to kiss his check. "You're brilliant!" she laughed, turning to look at the door behind them opened.

"You guys are on in five, let's get you ready." Paddy told them.

"It's show time." Wally said wiggling his eyebrows, as they followed the man out of the room.

They parted ways with Kyle, as he went to sit on his drum set, Wally left to come in on the other side of the stage, leaving Jude and Speid getting their guitars strapped to them.

"You nervous?" he asked.

Just could hear the crowd, she could feel the energy and she bounced on the balls of her feet, she smiled over at him, and nodded at Wally across the way. "Not at all." She laughed, taking the microphone that was handed to her. They always opened their shows with the same song, it was upbeat, and got all of them flowing. She looked down when she heard Speid play the first few chords of the song, that was all it took and the whole crowd seemed to scream even louder, which was their cue to run on stage.

She danced around the boys as she sang, there was nothing holding her back, not tonight, not when she knew that he was watching her. It was easy for them to get through their set, never once losing energy, and the crowd never once stopping. But as their last song came to an end she took her position in the middle of the stage, put the microphone in its stand. She played with the twist tie on her finger at she waited for the crowd to settle down enough to hear her.

"Wow, Speid, boys, they sure are excited tonight." Jude laughed, and the crowd screamed. This was normally the part where they thanked everyone and walked off, but not tonight, tonight was different.

"There must be some special frowny face out there tonight." Speid added, Jude smiled over him and watched as he started to play the intro to her new song. She knew it was a reference only they would understand, one he would understand.

"Well, special enough to hear something new." Jude breathed. "This one's for you."

She closed her eyes as she sang this one, picturing what his face would look like, picturing the smile on his lips, the way his hair stood, how he would tilt his head a little to one side as he watched her.

_I can be tough, I can be strong  
>But with you it's not like that at all<br>There's a girl that gives a shit  
>Behind this wall, you've just walked through it<em>

_And I remember all those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head  
>You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here<br>All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it  
>You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here<em>

_Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here  
>Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here<em>

_I love the way you are  
>It's who I am, don't have to try hard<br>We always say, say it like it is  
>And the truth is that I really miss<em>

_All those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head  
>You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here<br>All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it  
>You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here<em>

_Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here  
>Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here<em>

_No, I don't wanna let go  
>I just wanna let you to know<br>That I never wanna let go  
>Let go, oh oh<em>

_No, I don't wanna let go  
>I just wanna let you to know<br>That I never wanna let go  
>(Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go..)<em>

_Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here  
>Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here<br>Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here  
>Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here *<em>

_* Avril Lavigne Wish You Were Here_

Jude could hear the whole crowd cheering even before the song had finished. She glanced down at her makeshift ring and then smiled back out at the crowd. "I hope you liked it." She looked back at Wally and Kyle. "Thanks everyone, you're all amazing, we love the support!" she shouted out before the group of them headed for the side of the stage, it was the end of a perfect show, and Jude knew they could all feel it.


	7. Can't We Go Back

She had her own copy of the magazine, she didn't need him to read it to her, she didn't need to hear him read the caption of the picture.

"Her new lover, her new Tommy Q." he laughed.

Jude rolled her eyes at him, and she knew it only made things worse, but she was mad that he was even reading so much into it, that this was the reason he was using for missing so many other concerts.

"Don't, don't give me that look." He told her.

Jude held up her hand, and showed him the twist tie. "Hasn't left my finger, so you don't, Tommy." She shouted. "I'm a rock star, I step outside of any building and someone is going to get a picture of me."

"Yeah, but a picture of you on some other guy?" he asked, throwing the magazine down on the hotel table.

"It's a club, am I not allowed to dance?" she asked.

"Don't, don't make me into the bad guy." Tommy shook his head at her. "It was easy to take when it was a random picture, but when it's the same guy, over and over. Sorry if I start to wonder then."

"So what you want me to be seen only with Speid and the guys, will that help you rest at night? Make it any easier for you to avoid talking to me?" she shouted.

"Don't put words in my mouth, that's nowhere near what I said!" he shouted back at her. "And you're the one that stopped calling me, in case you forgot."

"Oh, so now I'm not needy enough for you, is that what you're trying to say?" Jude asked. "And I stopped calling because you never had anything to say, you always sounded more annoyed that I was brothering you, than actually excited to hear from me."

"I drop everything I've doing the second I see your name flash across my phone." Tommy sighed. "And yeah, maybe I do get annoyed, but it's because I know I can't be with you when you call, and that's all I really want. But this, this doesn't seem like you really want me." He pointed back at the picture.

Jude sighed and took his hands. "Tommy, he's in the group that's opening for us." She put his arms around her waist, and then placed her hands on her shoulders. She wanted him to know, she needed him to understand how crazy she had been going without him.

"Still." Tommy sighed.

"He's no match for you Tommy Q." Jude whispered, her lips close to his. She teased him with a kiss. "There is no one that could mean more than you." It was all she could get out before he was fed up with her teasing, and his lips pressed hard against hers, needing her.

_You're complicating things  
>I need some room to breathe<br>I gotta get back to simplicity  
>If you want more than this<br>Then tell me what it is I gotta do  
>Oh, this is killin me<br>I need you to see  
>That something's gotta change<em>

_Can we go back to the way we used to be  
>Back to the butterflies<br>Starin deep in your eyes  
>Can we go back to how we used to be<br>Cause livin and lovin was easy  
>We gotta find a way to fool reality<br>And go back to the way we used to be_

_When did we mess it up  
>What happened to love<br>We had it good  
>But it wasn't enough<br>We shouldn't let it fade all the way  
>Were over thinkin this way too much<br>I want you next to me  
>But something's gotta change<em>

_Can we go back to the way we used to be  
>Back to the butterflies<br>Starin deep in your eyes  
>Can we go back to how we used to be<br>Cause livin and lovin was easy  
>We gotta find a way to fool reality<br>And go back to the way we used to be_

_Oh, can we go back_

_No it doesn't have to be this hard  
>And this isn't the way we are<br>Our love was effortless  
>Now it's tearin us apart<br>Oh, I'm getting tired of the fight  
>We can't pretend that it's alright<br>I'm slowly losing hope  
>Baby can we try<em>

_Can we go back to the way we used to be  
>Back to the butterflies<br>Starin deep in your eyes  
>Can we go back to how we used to be<br>Cause livin and lovin was easy  
>We gotta find a way to fool reality<br>And go back to the way we used to be*  
>*Kelly Clarkson Can't We Go Back<em>


	8. Jaded These Years

"Jude, can you tell me how you went from being Canada's first ever Instant Star, to a worldwide rock star?" the interviewer asked.

Jude smiled at her. It was a question she had been asked before, one that she had a rehearsed line for, something she had said over and over. "I switched labels after my third album at G Major, and it gave me the chance to spread my wings and try new things." She smiled.

"Well it looks like those new things have worked well for you." The woman smiled back. "Is there anything that you regret doing, or not doing for that matter?"

Regret? She hadn't thought about having regrets. She still stood by her decision to leave Tommy, to leave Toronto, to grow. She needed her own adventures, she needed to live her life, and she had, she was. But she knew the answer for this question as well. "I really regret not zip lining the last time I was in New Zealand. My dad swears it's the most thrilling thing he's even done." She laughed tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Well, we all hope you get the chance to try it sometime then." The woman laughed as well. "Can you share any tour stories with us?" she asked. "We're heard its been quite the tour already, with only three other girls touring with you, it must be pretty crazy."

Jude wanted to laugh. She wouldn't even be able to explain some of the crazy and reckless things they had done. But she knew the one she needed to comment on was the soapy pool. "I'm sure you've all seen the pictures of the pool from the last city we played in." she laughed shaking her head. "I can honestly say, as amazing and funny as it was, it wasn't done by any of us." She looked at the screen between her and the woman, as the picture of the outside pool appeared, with a mountain of soap bubbles over flowing and spreading onto the deck. "It was fun to jump into though." She thought about how her and Kyle were pushed into the bubble mounds.

"That sure does look messy." The woman commented. "Now, I've got to ask, what is the deal with you and Tom Quincy?" she studied Jude's face. "You two had a pretty intense relationship in the past, and a pretty bad break up, but now are you two back together?"

Jude smiled. This wasn't a question she had rehearsed a hundred times, but it was one she knew was coming.

"He was spotted at our Seattle concert, where you played a song for a special someone." She woman smiled.

Jude knew that it was going to be the question everyone was wanting an answer for, and answer Jude herself wasn't ready to share.

"My dad was also at the concert." Jude smiled. "And so was Karma, my guitarist's wife."

"But no answer about Little Tommy Q?"

Jude just shrugged her shoulders and smiled. She knew that her cheeks were red, and that was okay. She would let the press assume what they wanted, what they needed, she just wouldn't say a word on the matter.

"Okay, well I believe you and your band, have a song for us?"

"Yeah, its called Jaded." Jude smiled, looking over at the boys, waiting for her.

"Why don't you tell us a little about it, before you perform?"

Jude nodded, trying to think of a way to explain her songs was never easy, because there was hardly ever one thing she was thinking about when she wrote them, and this one song, it was about so many things. "It's sort of about growing up, not regretting the things you've done. It's actually a song I wrote about three years ago when someone asked me if I regretted moving to London."

"Well, we can't wait to hear it."

_There's a time and place, for everything.  
>There's a reason why, certain people meet.<br>There's a destination, for everyone.  
>What's the explanation, when we're done?<em>

_All the summer nights spent wondering;  
>So many questions asked, but no one's answering.<br>Would it be okay if I left today?  
>Took my chances on what you said was wrong?<em>

_I'm jaded, stupid, and and reckles.  
>Not sorry, and I'll never regret.<br>These years spent, so faded and reckless.  
>Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.<br>I'll never regret these years._

_Now here i sit, so far away.  
>Remembering all our memories.<br>Its times like these that I miss you most,  
>Remembering when we were so close.<em>

_I'm jaded, stupid, and and reckles.  
>Not sorry, we'll never regret.<br>These years spent, so faded and reckless.  
>Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.<em>

_We'll never forget the places we've been, you and i.  
>Our lives are slipping away.<br>Don't want to let time pass us by, byyyyyyy..._

_I'm jaded, stupid, and and reckles.  
>Not sorry, and I'll never regret.<br>These years...  
>...spent, so faded and reckless,<br>Not sorry, and I'll never regret...  
>I'm jaded, stupid, and and reckles.<br>Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.*_

"That was great, everyone please, let's hear it again for Jude Harrison and Spiederman Mind Explosion." The woman and the audience all clapped.

_*Mest Jaded (These Years)_


	9. Straightjack Feeling

She stood shaking, looking down at the computer screen. Her hand was so unsteady she could feel the coffee sloshing over the side. The picture in front of her explained everything, the simple picture this time was worth the thousand words she could already hear in her head.

"Jude." Wally whispered, taking the hot cup from her hand.

She could feel it, someone had just punched her in the stomach. His perfect blue eyes, the smile she missed more than her own bed, it was all there in the picture, and so was the hand, the hand that she had thought hers fit so perfectly in. But now, it was holding someone else's hand, and not just someone else, but May herself, was connected to the hand Tommy was holding.

"Dude, there could be a million reasons for this picture." Speid said slowly.

She wanted to smash the computer, she wanted to throw it to the ground and jump on it over and over, but she knew it wouldn't change the picture, it wouldn't change the way she was feeling.

The three boys watched as she slowly walked away from them, closing the bathroom door, they looked turned back to the picture when they heard the lock click.

"What are we gonna do?" Kyle asked, looking up at Speiderman.

"Wally, you call Jamie, I'll call Sadie." Speid said pulling his phone out.

"What about me?" Kyle asked.

"You read everything you can about that picture." Speid said, his phone already to his ear.

"Speiderman?" Saide asked.

"Sadie, big problem, huge 911." He told her, he explained the picture, how Kyle was doing his morning gossip search and they came across it.

"I'll be on the next flight there." Sadie told him.

The boys tried all day, to try and get her out of the bathroom offering her coffee, food, anything, but she hadn't moved, she hadn't made a sound.

Jude watched as the water ran from the faucet. The girl in the mirror wasn't her, she wasn't sure who that girl was, who those blank eyes belonged to. She didn't know what to think, she didn't know what to do. The anger she had felt had quickly turned into nothingness, she was numb. Just two days ago she had gone in and been fitted for a dress, for her wedding dress, and now she stood here, leaning on the skin wondering if this whole thing was some joke on her. She slipped the old falling apart twist tie, off her finger and held it up. She had put so much faith into that twist tie, into what it meant to her, what she thought it had meant to him, but now she knew it was meaningless, the whole thing was meaningless. And that made her feel like everything else around her was falling apart. She knew it hadn't been an easy year. It wasn't easy for her to leave All Time High, to be on tour for so long, to go back to London and leave Tommy again. But she had done it. She had done with the crazy idea that she would meet him in 12 months time and switch that twist time for a wedding band. So many things could change in 12 months time, so such had changed in that single day.

She glanced at her phone as it vibrated on the counter.

Sadie, of course it was Sadie. All it took was answering her phone to have the swarm of emotions come over her. She could feel the hot tears in her eyes, the sobs in her throat.

"The wedding." She sobbed to her sister. "The wedding is off. The whole thing is off." She dropped the twist tie on the counted and felt her knees give out, dropping to the floor, in full sobs.

"Unlock the door." Was all she could hear her sister say.

It only took a second for her to reach up and switch the lock, and for her to feel the hand on her back. She knew the smell before she saw who it was. The mixture of leather, cologne and hair gel was one that she knew well.

"What are you doing on the floor?" he whispered.

Jude looked up at him confused. But all she could see were his blue eyes, and his scruffy face. She pulled her hand back away from him, pushing herself against the wall. She watched as he held his hands up, still squatted in the same spot.

She blinking, hoping it was a dream, wanting it to go away. But he was still there, watching her. "What are you doing here?" she whispered through her sobs.

"Wally called me." He pointed behind him, and Jude could see the three boys standing in the door way, all waiting for her signal to pounce on him.

"So you can take the time to show up when Wally calls you?" Jude screamed through her tears. There were countless times she asked when she could see him, but he never had time, not for her, only for work.

"No, I came because Sadie threatened my life, and I don't mess with pregnant women." He was trying to make a joke, to make her less mad, but it only added more fuel to the fire.

"I don't want you here." She sobbed shaking her head, her hair covering her face, sticking to the tears. "I don't want to see you."

"Dude." Speid said softly. "Listen to the man, he just spent eight hours trying to get here."

"Jude that picture, it is honestly meaningless. She showed up in Seattle, she had a meeting at the label I've been working with." Tommy said softly. "Hey, look at me." He whispered.

She shook her head harder. She knew he was closer now, she could feel him, feel the heat from his body, from his breath. She didn't want to look at him, it hurt to look at him.

"Jude." He whispered again, his forehead against hers. "Don't let this break us, we're almost there."

She knew his words were true, she could hear it in his voice, and she knew he had been waiting just as long, if not longer than her. "No." she could feel his lips when she opened her mouth.

She could hear him hush her before his lips pressed against hers, before his thumbs brushed her tears away.

_Back me down from backing up  
>Hold your breath now it's stacking up<br>Etched with marks, but I can deal  
>And you're the problem and you can't feel<br>Try this on, straitjacket feeling  
>so maybe I won't be alone<br>Take back now, my life you're stealing_

_Yesterday was hell  
>But today I'm fine without you<br>Run away this time without you  
>And all I ever thought you'd be<br>That face is tearing holes in me again_

_Trust you is just one defense  
>off a list of others, you don't make sense<br>Beg me time and time again  
>to take you back now, but you can't win<br>Take back now, my life you're stealing_

_Yesterday was hell  
>But today I'm fine without you<br>Run away this time without you  
>And all I ever thought you'd be<br>That face is tearing holes in me  
>but today I'm fine without you<br>Run away this time without you  
>And all the things you put me through<br>I'm holding on by letting go of you_

_And when that memory slips away  
>There'll be a better view from here<br>And only lonesome you remains  
>and just the thought of you I fear<br>it falls away_

_Yesterday was hell  
>But today I'm fine without you<br>Run away this time without you  
>And all I ever thought you'd be<br>That face is tearing holes in me  
>but today I'm fine without you<br>Run away this time without you  
>And all the things you put me through<br>I'm holding on by letting go of you *_

Four months, she had four more months to go, and she knew this was the last time she was going to see him in four months. She told him that it was killing her, that every time she spoke to him, it only made thing worse, harder, because she felt like he wasn't really here, like he wasn't listening. And she watched as he explained how crazy she was, how he loved her. But how could they still really love each other, that's what she asked. If they would add up all the time they had spent together since she put that twist tie back on, she knew it wouldn't total a whole week. How could they base a marriage on that, how could they base a relationship on that? She knew the words hurt him, but maybe that's what she needed to do, maybe she needed to hurt him for the both of them to take it more seriously. She was getting a wedding dress, but she was starting to feel like it was a joke, and this, the picture was just another thing to add to the long list.

"I'm going to be at that church Jude, I guess if you still feel this way in four months, then you won't." that was his response after her angry questions. "I love you, nothing, even time, is every going to change that."

She needed to hear that, she needed him to remind her of that simple fact, because it was so easy to forget, and lose sight of it when they were living such different lives.

_*The All-American Rejects Straightjacket Feeling_


	10. I Miss You

I just wrote this, its from Tommy's point of view. As I was reading Straightjack Feeling for the 20th time I couldn't help but wonder what Tommy would feel like after leaving her, and going back to his life. And Blink 182 popped into my head. It was a toss up between the song I used and I'm Lost Without You, they are both amazing songs, but I figured based off what I remember from Frozen, I Miss You was a little more Tommy Q style. Hope you like it. And thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>He sighed and rubbed his eyes out of sheer frustration. It didn't seem to matter how many times he asked the girl to sing the song, she couldn't hit the notes, it was almost like she was refusing. He flashed back to when Jude use to mess up on purpose, knowing it would irritate him, but he knew when she did it he deserved it. Maybe this was karma, for leaving her again. She was starting to question everything, and he knew she would at some point. But he still wasn't ready to deal with it, he didn't know how to deal the idea of her changing her mind, of her not being there at the church.<p>

"Let's try it one more time, and please, try." He told the girl. He knew it was pointless, but if he couldn't produce this, if he couldn't get one good track down, he was going to lose it. "Stop, just stop." She wasn't' trying, and he knew it. "Come listen to this." He sighed.

Tommy looked at the girl as she sat down in the chair, and he watched as the music was played back, she looked just as disgusted as he felt.

"I suck today." She sighed, sitting back and pulling her laptop out of her bag. "I don't know what is wrong."

"And wasting our time is really going to help you figure that out?" Tommy asked.

"Is this why you're so grouchy?" the girl asked turning her computer around and showing him a picture of Jude leaving a coffee shop somewhere in South America.

He hadn't seen any recent pictures of her, he hadn't even talked to her in almost a month, not since he had flown down to L.A. But now he was looking at a picture of her, her hair falling in her face like it always did, her sunglasses protecting her eyes, a small smile on her lips, Wally beside her, and the star ring on her hand clutching her cell phone. He searched the photo, his stomach already dropped to the floor.

"I read somewhere that she's had a crush on him for years, it would bound to happen with them spending so much time together." The girl said turning her computer back around.

Tommy felt like crying, or throwing up, maybe punching something. He knew it was bound to happen, that she would realize her life would be everything and more without him. He had nothing real to offer her anymore, he never had anything to offer her.

"I don't know what to saw in her. Personally I think she's off her rocker, I mean that twist tie is always wears on her finger. What the heck is that about?" the girl asked, oblivious to Tommy's reaction to the photo, or her words.

"What?" he asked, pulling it out of her hand, looking at her picture closer. There it was, on her finger, right where he had put it. He could feel the smile return to his lips. "That's my girl." He whispered more to himself than the others in the room. He shook his head wanting to laugh at himself, handing her back her computer. "When you're ready, let's give it another go." His mood had so easily changed, improved. Jude Harrison was his girl, his rock star.

_(I miss you miss you)  
>Hello there the angel from my nightmare<br>The shadow in backround of the morgue  
>The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley<br>We can live like Jack and Sally if we want  
>Where you can always find me<br>And we'll have Halloween on Christmas  
>And in the night we'll wish this never ends<br>We'll wish this never end_

Where are you and I'm so sorry  
>I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight<br>I need somebody and always  
>This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime<br>And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders  
>catching things and eating their insides<br>Like indecision to call you  
>And hear your voice of treason<br>Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
>stop this pain tonight<p>

Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head(6x)

I miss you miss you(6x)

_*Blink 182 I Miss You_


	11. Fall Back Down

The tour was coming to an end, and they could all feel it, they were all ready for the end. Six months together was a lot longer than any of them thought it was. It wasn't only putting a strain on their friendships, but a strain on all their relationships.

Jude looked out the window of her hotel room. She could see Wally and Kyle walking towards the beach. The nice thing they had found in Brazil was the beach, it was always warm and sunny. She grabbed her sunglasses and floppy hat as she head towards the living room that connected all their rooms. She was surprised to see Speid sitting alone with his guitar.

"Hey." She said slowly approaching him. She wanted to be able to read his mood before asking him what he was doing. Things between the two had been tense for a few weeks, and they knew it was because they had been together for far too long.

"Hey dude." He nodded his head at her.

"You okay?' she knew as soon as he called her dude, they were fine.

"Yeah, will you listen to something?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Of course." She smiled sitting down on the arm of his chair, reading the words he had scribbled out in front of him. But before he could start she had to stop him. "Speid, you and Karma?" she asked worried for a second that she had missed something.

He looked up at her and laughed. "No, everything is good on the married front." He looked back down at the paper. "I don't know where this came from. I just wanted to write something for you guys,"

"Let me hear it." She smiled at him.

_Don't worry about me, I'm gonna make it alright  
>Got my enemies crossed out in my sight<br>I take a bad situation gonna make it right  
>In the shadows of darkness I stand in the light<em>

_You see it's our style to keep it true  
>I've had a bad year, a lot to go through<br>I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue  
>She's not the one coming back for you<br>She's not the one coming back for you_

_If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again  
>If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend<br>[x2]_

_It takes disaster to learn a lesson  
>You're gonna make it through the darkest night<br>Some people betray one and cause treason  
>We're gonna make everything alright<em>

_Well the worst of times, now, they don't phase me  
>Even if I look and act really crazy<br>I went way down, she betrayed me  
>Now my vision is no longer hazy<em>

_I'm very lucky to have my crew  
>They stood by me when she flew<br>I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue  
>She's not the one coming back for you<br>She's not the one coming back for you_

_If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again  
>If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend<br>[x4]*_

Jude couldn't help but smile at her friend. It was the perfect song for him, the perfect song to describe their friendship. She would always be there to help him up, they would all always be there for each other, that was surely something they had learned over the tour.

"It's good." She nodded.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah." She ruffled his hair. "Will you sing it?"

"Dude, I just did." He laughed.

"No, I mean at our last concert. I think it's the perfect song to warp everything up." She knew it would mean a lot to him, and it would mean even more to them as friends to have him sing it. "I think it should be the last song we do on the tour."

"You for real?" she could see the excitement in his eyes, the boyish features shining through. "The last show, the real last show?"

"Yeah, no one would love it more than the hometown fans." Jude said standing up. "But right now, there are some sandy beaches screaming out our names!" she laughed pulling his arm.

_*Rancid Fall Back Down_


	12. Shawdows and Regrets

They all knew it was going to be an emotional concert, their last concert. They had already said their thanks to the two opening acts, surprising each group with their own photo albums, massive amounts of silly string, and Kyle in a chicken suit. But now came time for Jude to thank her boys. She brushed the tears from her eyes as she introduced SME for the last time.

"I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it through this tour without these three guys." Jude looked at them each, mouthing thank you. "And none of us would have made it here without all of you." She pointed out to the crowd, making them cheer. "So thing song, this one is for all of you that have been with us since the start." She turned and looked at the boys. "This is for you guys." She smiled at them and she could see the tears in their eyes.

_I'm back, back in town  
>and everything has changed<br>I feel, feel let down  
>The faces stay the same<br>I see, see shadows  
>Of who we used to be<br>When I drive, drive so slow  
>Through this memory<em>

_When we were only kids  
>And we were best of friends<br>And we hoped for the best  
>And let go of the rest<em>

_I heard, heard myself  
>Say things I'd take back<br>If I could, could retell  
>And make these stories last<br>I see, see shadows  
>Of who we'll always be<br>And I drive, drive these roads  
>That made our memories<em>

_When we were only kids  
>And we were best of friends<br>And we hoped for the best  
>And let go of the rest<br>Shadows and regrets  
>Let go of the rest<em>

_Everything has changed  
>Faces stay the same<br>Everything has changed  
>Faces stay the same<em>

_When we were only kids  
>And our time couldn't end<br>And how tall did we stand?  
>With the world in our hands<em>

_And we were only kids  
>And we were best of friends<br>And we hoped for the best  
>And let go of the rest<em>

_Shadows and regrets  
>We let go of the rest<br>Shadows and Regrets  
>We let go of the rest<em>

When the song ended the four of them shared a group hug.

"Do you guys see what happens when you tour with this dude?" Speid asked. "She turned us all soft and mushy." He laughed.

"Actually Speid's always been a bit of a crier." Wally laughed into Jude's microphone.

"It's uh true, actually." Jude laughed. "But I think this time he's got something that's going to make Wally and Kyle tear up a bit. You ready Speid?" she knew he was, this song was the perfect way to end their tour, the perfect way to explain their friendship.

_*Yellowcard Shadows and Regrets_


	13. Good Life

This is the last of the mini's. I'll see what I can do about a wedding, if I write it, I'll pot it before the weekend. But I can't promise anything.

* * *

><p>Jude looked around her London flat. She only had a few more hours until her flight back to Toronto left, and the garment bag draped over her arm made her whole body tingle. She had requested a break from the label, some time off after the tour, and she had been busy. She was amazed at all the things that went into planned a secret. But now she had the time to sit and remember the life she had been living, the freedom she had been given when she first left Toronto, her very own adventures. The pictures, and nick knacks around the room displayed all the things from the life she had, the places she had been, and the person she was becoming. She ran her hand along the jars filled with sand, a collection her father had started for her. The pink sand from the Caribbean island, the black sand from Greece, purple sand from California, green sand from Hawaii, the fluffy sand from Australia. Everything she had were things that she collected from tours, and trips. She could have no complaints about the life she had been living.<p>

_Woke up in London yesterday  
>Found myself in the city near Piccadilly<br>Don't really know how I got here  
>I got some pictures on my phone<em>

_New names and numbers that I don't know_  
><em>Address to places like Abbey Road<em>  
><em>Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want<em>  
><em>We're young enough to say<em>

_Oh this has gotta be the good life_  
><em>This has gotta be the good life<em>  
><em>This could really be a good life, good life<em>

_Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight_  
><em>Like this city is on fire tonight<em>  
><em>This could really be a good life<em>  
><em>A good, good life<em>

_To my friends in New York, I say hello_  
><em>My friends in L.A. they don't know<em>  
><em>Where I've been for the past few years or so<em>  
><em>Paris to China to Col-or-ado<em>

_Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out_  
><em>Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now<em>  
><em>We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e<em>  
><em>What there is to complain about<em>

_When you're happy like a fool_  
><em>Let it take you over<em>  
><em>When everything is out<em>  
><em>You gotta take it in<em>

_Hopelessly_  
><em>I feel like there might be something that I'll miss<em>  
><em>Hopelessly<em>  
><em>I feel like the window closes oh so quick<em>  
><em>Hopelessly<em>  
><em>I'm taking a mental picture of you now<em>  
><em>'Cuz hopelessly<em>  
><em>The hope is we have so much to feel good about*<em>

"Hey, you already back home?" it made her smile to hear his voice, to know that he knew what she had been up to. She hadn't personally called him in over a month, she had been too busy, they had both been busy.

"No, I've got a few more hours." She knew that for him home was Toronto, she wasn't sure if that was her home, this, her flat, London, that still felt like home to her.

"Don't forget your toothbrush this time." He joked. It made her smile to hear the sound of his laugh.

"We're going to have a good life, right?" her voice was soft. She wasn't looking to be reassured, she was already sure this time.

"The best girl." He whispered back to her. "I'll see you in a few days."

Jude held her hand out and looked at the twist tie, it was only a small metal wire now, one that she was so use to feeling on her hand. "Yeah, a few days."

"Hey Jude." He said quickly before she could hang up.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I love you, girl."

That was what she was looking for, that was what she needed to hear. "I love you too." She nodded to herself, turning out the light and locking the door. She could easily leave this, for that, for Tommy Quincy.

*One Republic Good Life


	14. A Happy Start

I guess you guys are lucky this story took over my whole mind. As I said before, the wedding is based off the mini from season 3. It's not word for word, but I used the basic ideas. It's the simple end to my story. Thanks for reading.

* * *

><p>Jude watched as her sister fussed in the mirror, smoothing down her hair, readjusting her dress, fixing her lip stick. She had been like that since she arrived at the church, and Jude could only imagine how she had been at home. She felt sorry for Kwest, having to put up with it everyday, knowing it was going to be a few more weeks.<p>

"Nervous?" Jude asked, smiling at her sister.

Sadie turned around and looked embarrassed. "Are you sure I look okay?" her hands rested on the top of her belly.

"I always thought it was the bride that should be concerned about how she looks." Jude laughed reaching for her sisters hands.

"I was a bride." Sadie sighed.

"Yeah, four years ago." Jude reminded her with a gentle smile. "You're going to be a mother now Sadie." She rubbed her sisters stomach in amazement.

"What if I can't do it Jude?" Sadie whispered. It was easy to see the fear in her sisters eyes, the uncertainty.

Jude wanted to laugh. It was her wedding day, even thought it didn't feel like it, her sister was more concerned about her pregnant belly, and being a bad mother. Jude was more concerned about Tommy showing actually showing up. But she didn't feel nervous, she wasn't even sure if she felt excited, she just felt ready.

"Sadie, you're going to be an amazing mother, think about how well you take care of a pair of shoes." She smiled, hugging her sister. "Think about how well you took care of me. You've never failed at anything Sadie."

"You're right." She nodded her head. "What about you, are you absolutely sure about this?" Sadie looked around the small room.

Jude thought of a moment, there were so many times that she had doubted too much, questioned everything that was leading her to this moment. "Yeah." She was so happy she wanted to laugh. "We've been through a lot together, and if there is one thing I've always known, deep down in my heart it that I love him, I always loved him."

"Okay." Sadie sighed.

The two sisters turned towards the door when it opened.

"Everyone decent?" Jamie asked, his eyes covered with his hand.

"Yeah." Jude replied. Her best friend looked smashing in his suit, he always cleaned up well.

"Wow." Jamie said looking at Jude. "You look-" she could tell he was a loss for words, for the right word.

"That's the point." She laughed, turning slowly, holding the dress out a little. Her white dress fit her perfectly, and hung just the way she wanted it to. The lace around the bottom sat nicely on the floor. She felt elegant, timeless. "Is he here yet?" they had never really agreed on a time, just a day, June 15th.

Jamie shook his head, and Jude could feel the tears sting her eyes a little. "Pagan is starting to get…well you know how he is."

"Just give us a few more minutes." Sadie asked, pushing him back out the door.

Jude could see it in her eyes, the look, the 'I knew this was going to happen.', but she refused to believe it. There had never been any doubt about today, about him showing up. She had been the one that had needed reassured over the year, the one that thought they were crazy, but maybe, just maybe he did too?

"It's up to you." Sadie told her.

Jude nodded her head, and slowly followed her sister out of the room to the front of the church. Everyone else was already there. Jamie was standing next to Pagan, holding her flowers, Speiderman and Karma were sitting in the second row, with Wally and Kyle. Kwest was sitting next to Jude's father, and even Marcie was sitting there looking like a lost puppy. Jude couldn't look at them, not as they watched her walk down the ail groomless. She could hear the wows of her small audience, she knew she looked amazing, but with each step she was starting to doubt her wedding, doubt him.

Jude took her flowers from Jamie and gave him the small sad smile everyone was waiting for.

"You really do look amazing Jude." Jamie wanted to make her feel better.

But all the heads in the church turned towards the back when they heard the commotion, the hurried feet. Jamie was the first to move.

"What are you doing?" he asked, stopping him in the ail.

"I'm here to marry my girl." He looked Jamie up and down, before his eyes resting on Jude, and his expression turning soft.

"It's about bloody time." Jamie laughed giving him a hug.

"I could use a best man." He laughed.

"Sorry, I'm the maid of honor." Jamie patted his back, and took his position next to Jude.

Sadie hugged him before taking her seat next to Kwest. "About time you show up." She whispered to him.

"Kwest?" he asked.

"I always do make you look good." Kwest laughed standing up and following him to the front of the church.

"That's so like you, to start our wedding without me." Tommy laughed taking Jude's hands.

"You're the only man I know that would be late to his own wedding." Jude smiled at him. It had been months since she had seen him, since she had felt him next to her, but it felt so right to stand there next to him, almost as though she had always been standing next to him. She knew that everything in her life so far had lead her to this moment, winning Instant Star, spending her birthday trapped in the room with him, having him break her heart with bars between them, leaving him for London, everything had lead her right back here, back to him. "The only man I would want to marry." She whispered, as he pulled her closer to him.

"Sorry I was late Harrison." She could get lost in his eyes. "But I couldn't marry you without this." He held up a small ring box, and showed her the diamond ring and the wedding band inside. "That twist tie isn't going to cut it." He was already sliding the small wire from her finger and placing the rings on it instead.

"We aren't quite there yet." Pagan said softly.

"I love it. But from now on it's Quincy" Jude said looking at the ring and smiling back at him. That was all it took for the two to embrace each other in a kiss, one that was long overdue.

"And we're surly not to that point." Pagan rolled his eyes at the two, but the whole churched seemed to be filled with laughter. "I guess you two aren't really for the traditional ways."


	15. An Update

Thanks to a new love for Lady Gaga and Sister Hazel I will be adding a few more mini's in the coming days. But they won't really be in order and they won't have taken place in the year between Jude and Tommy's wedding. Some will be about the time Jude spent in London, some even during her return to Toronto. So if you want to know what song I'm looking at using, You and I by Lady Gaga, and Your Winter by Sister Hazel. I heard them both, and these ideas of Tommy and Jude just kept popping into my head and I couldn't think of anything else. I am also going through an Adele stage, so I'm sure I'll find a song of hers to use as well!


	16. You and I

It was another night in the rehearsal space, no one could count the numbers of nights they had all spent there, they all seemed to run together. The songs all faded into each other, and the night quickly became treasured memories. It was filled with people, most of them Jude didn't know, but that didn't matter. Everyone was there, watching the band play on their makeshift stage, having drinks, and just enjoying life, the life of being in the music scene.

Jude sat on a bar stool, watching as SME played on of their songs. She knew the person next to her was trying to flirt, and she wanted to give him brownie points from trying, but she was glad that Big Lou was hovering behind her, making sure he kept his distance. When Jude had realized that things in the old Harrison home weren't happy, she had started to spend less and less time there, and more and more time at the loft with Tommy. It was easy to be there, to enjoy their time together, to enjoy the nights like this one.

But tonight Jude was feeling extra brave, she was feeling that cocky confidence that she knew only Speiderman, Kyle, and Wally gave her. She couldn't be sure if it was them, or if it was the amount of alcohol she had consumed already, but she knew what she wanted to do. She could picture herself, standing in the middle of the room, in front of everyone singing the song, everyone around them knowing what it was about, who it was about. It was obvious in her mind, but then again, she was a girl, and she knew better than to hope that Tommy, or any male could understand a girl.

When the song ended, she took her spot in front of the microphone. "You guys are amazing." She smiled at her old band mates. "But I've got something new I want to try out." She nodded to Speid, hoping he would remember, they had only played the song once before, and briefly at that.

"A Harrison original." She heard Tommy laugh from somewhere in crowd. It took her a moment to spot him, but when she did she could make out the words on his shirt. The state name Nebraska stitched in, and she knew, she was making up the words more than anything. "It's been awhile since I've heard one of these."

"It's your lucky night Quincy." Jude smiled back, confidence; it had to be that, and the fact that she didn't like seeing him there, with his arm around May's shoulders. It bothered her, more than she wanted to admit.

_It's been a long time since I came around  
>Been a long time but I'm back in town<br>And this time I'm not leavin' without you  
>You taste like whiskey when you kiss me awe<br>I'd give anything again to be your babydoll  
>This time I'm not leaving without you.<em>

It was easy to keep her eyes on his while she sang, knowing that only a select few in the crowd would even be able to understand the song, let alone the meaning, but that only made it more fun, and she could feel the fuzziness of her beer filled evening taking over her mind.

_He said, sit back down where you belong  
>In the corner of my bar with your high heels on<br>Sit back down on the couch  
>Were we made love the first time<br>And you said to me_

_(There's Somethin'), Somethin', somethin' about this place  
>Somethin' 'bout lonely nights<br>And my lipstick on your face  
>Somethin', somethin' about<br>My cool Nebraska guy  
>Yeah somethin' about<br>Baby you and I_

_It's been two years since I let you go  
>I couldn't listen to a joke or rock n' roll<br>And muscle cars drove a truck  
>Right through my heart<em>

_On my birthday you sang me "Heart of Gold"  
>With a guitar hummin' and no clothes<br>This time I'm not leaving without you._

_He said, sit back down where you belong  
>In the corner of my bar with your high heels on<br>Sit back down on the couch  
>Were we made love the first time<br>And you said to me_

_(There's Somethin'), Somethin', somethin' about this place  
>Somethin' 'bout lonely nights<br>And my lipstick on your face  
>Somethin', somethin' about<br>My cool Nebraska guy  
>Yeah somethin' about<em>

_Baby you and I_

_You and I,  
>You you and I,<br>You you and I,  
>You you and I,<br>You and I  
>You you and I<br>Oh yeah I'd rather die,  
>without you and I<em>

"Come on, put your drinks up!" Jude shouted, looking around at everyone, seeing them all dance. She knew that the song would never be heard after night, but she also knew that it was a good song. It was a fun song, even though she hadn't finished the lyrics until just now, she knew it was finished.__

_We gotta whole lotta money, but we still pay rent  
>'Cause you can't buy a house in heaven<br>There's only three men that ima serve my whole life  
>It's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ.<em>

_(There's Somethin'), Somethin', somethin' about the chase  
>(6 Whole years)<br>I'm a New York woman born to run you down  
>Still want my lipstick all over your face<br>There's somethin', somethin' about  
>Just knowin' when it's right<br>So put your drinks for Nebraska  
>For Nebraska, Nebraska I love you.<em>

_You and I,  
>You you and I<br>Baby I'd rather die  
>Without you and I.<br>You and I,  
>You you and I<br>Nebraska I'd rather die  
>Without you and I.<em>

_It's been a long time since I came around  
>Been a long time but I'm back in town<br>And this time I'm not leavin' without you_

The people within the rehearsal space seemed to explode with approval of the song, but Jude could make out two faces, and one pair of simple clear blue eyes that seemed to be locked on her and nothing else. The confusion and pain were easy to read on his face, and she could feel it in her gut that she would regret singing that song, she could regret those words. But that would have to wait until morning. She was quickly pulled back to the world around them, to the party.

"Jude, that was interesting!" Jamie shouted over the sound of the next song starting, pulling her down from the stage.

"Yeah, I don't know where that came from." Jude said shaking her head, and pushing her hair back, she knew that Jamie would understand, he was one of the few that would always understand.

"It was a good song." Zeppelin smiled, "Simple, yet fun."

Jude nodded and said thank you as she made her way through the crowd. She could feel her nerves raising the closer she got back to the back of the room. She knew that was where Tommy was standing with Sadie and Kwest, where he had his arm around May and where Jude had lost her mind.

"Jude." Sadie said as her sister approached.

"Hey, that was a good song," Kwest smiled.

"Yeah." Jude nodded, looking over at Tommy, glancing down at his shirt, she couldn't help but wonder if everyone in the room had put it together by the time she had made it back to them. She took the beer that Sadie offered her, and quickly took another drink. It would be easier to hear what he was going to say if she could have more alcohol in her system.

"I thought it was a bit to personal ." May announced from Tommy's side. "It's a party, no one likes drama."

"Then don't create any." Tommy said shrugging out of her arm. Jude could feel his eyes burning into her own, but she couldn't look him in the eye, not yet. "Harrison." He said stepping forward, his hand on her elbow, ready to guide outside. "We need to talk," he whispered in her ear.

She didn't want to talk. She had said everything she needed to on the stage, she had spoke her mind, and she knew it was only going to cause problems for everyone involved. She had figured Tommy would want to talk, he would want to understand why she had done that. But she was Jude Harrison, she was still the girl that was good a speaking her mind in front of hundreds of people, but not to him. She pulled her arm back softly, not wanting to create a scene with everyone watching.

"Maybe later, I've got another song to do." She smiled, taking one of drink of the beer in her hand before handing it back to Sadie. She turned and quickly made her way back through the crowd, back to the stage. It was easier to speak the truth the whole crowd, than outside on the stairs to Tommy.


	17. Don't You Remember

Like I said, these new parts won't be in order, because some of them will deal with the past, the time right after Jude left, the five years she was gone, and even parts when she did come back, with new songs comes new inspiration.

* * *

><p>Tommy sat with the CD in his hand, her big eyes staring back at his, unchanging. She had been gone for months, he hadn't been the same for months. Everything was different without her. When she had first left he had been so angry, angry at her, at himself, and still even more at her. He hadn't been able to write, he hadn't been able to think straight. But now, having her first album, the one album that he hadn't helped her make, it made everything seem so much more clear.<p>

"What's this?" May asked coming into the studio, taking the CD from Tommy's hands.

Tommy rolled his eyes, the girl was one of the five finalist in Instant Star, the last group Tommy was going to have to work with. He had been counting down the days, even before Jude had left. When he had started at G Major he was freelance, he had no intentions of staying, but then he meet Jude, and he couldn't imagine leaving her, her working with someone else. But now he had the proof, she had moved on.

"Jude Harrison?" May asked, "Isn't this your ex?" the girl seemed to be laughing at him, almost mocking him for sitting there in the studio staring at the unopened CD.

Tommy took the CD back and placed it in a box, a box that was filled with clippings, and pictures, everything he had been saving, everything Jude. The simple black velvet box was still visible. "My personal life has nothing to do with you." He gave her a simple look, one that would make everyone else see he wasn't in the mood to talk, the mood for people. But she didn't seem to notice, or care.

"It does when you can't help me write the perfect song." May sighed back. "Darius wants us to have a single ready, and everything you've written since I meet you has been crap."

"I don't write crap, you sing crap." Tommy told her.

"Then write me something that isn't crap." May snapped. "I get it, she broke your heart. But shouldn't you put all of that into a song, a song that will make me the next Instant Star?"

"Maybe I don't want you to be the next Instant Star." Tommy responded.

"Fine, but maybe, just maybe, you need to write it out for you, and not for me." May said before standing up.

Tommy watched her leave, and glanced back down at the face, the eyes staring up at him. There were so many things he had wanted to say, so much he didn't understand. And he knew that May was right. He had been trying to keep all of those feelings to himself.

_When will I see you again?  
>You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,<br>No final kiss to seal any seams,  
>I had no idea of the state we were in,<em>

_I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,_  
><em>And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,<em>

_But don't you remember?_  
><em>Don't you remember?<em>  
><em>The reason you loved me before,<em>  
><em>Baby, please remember me once more,<em>

_When was the last time you thought of me?_  
><em>Or have you completely erased me from your memory?<em>  
><em>I often think about where I went wrong,<em>  
><em>The more I do, the less I know,<em>

_But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,_  
><em>And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,<em>

_But don't you remember?_  
><em>Don't you remember?<em>  
><em>The reason you loved me before,<em>  
><em>Baby, please remember me once more,<em>

_Gave you the space so you could breathe,_  
><em>I kept my distance so you would be free,<em>  
><em>And hope that you find the missing piece,<em>  
><em>To bring you back to me,<em>

_Why don't you remember?_  
><em>Don't you remember?<em>  
><em>The reason you loved me before,<em>  
><em>Baby, please remember you used to love me<em>  
><em>When will I see you again?<em>

He held his breath, hearing her sing the words, his words. It was heart breaking to hear it out loud, to think it.

"Wow." May whispered, looking through the glass at Tommy. "She really broke your heart."

"And it gave you your single." Tommy said standing up in the sound booth. It was freeing to finally have it out, to have that peace. But now it was out, and Tommy couldn't help but wonder if one day she would hear it, and know, know that it was about her.

*Adele Don't You Remember


	18. Your Winter

At this moment in time this is the end of my mini's, until I discover another song that will help me fill in those five years. I am always looking for new music, so if any of you know of any good bands, for even a simple song, like the one I use in this story, please feel free to share the names with me. I love this song, but I am not a big Sister Hazel fan. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p>Jude pushed herself away from the sound board. She sounded like crap, every take sounded like crap. Her first album had dropped just a few days ago, and she knew that she would soon be going on tour, but she had wanted to have a good start on her next album, she needed to keep writing, to keep dealing with her feelings.<p>

"I don't enjoy you wasting my time." David sighed turning the music off.

"And I enjoy sounding like that?" Jude asked, pointing back at the sound board. She was frustrated, she had been for weeks now, and she knew why. Sadie had sent her a copy of the latest Instant Star album almost a month ago, but she couldn't bring herself to listen to it, not with Tommy's name written on the back cover. She knew that it was the last album at G Major that he would produce, and coming to realize that, was like realizing that she had left him all over again, without a single word.

"Would you like to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you?" David offered, it was out of character for him to care in that way, but Jude knew that she was starting to wear him down.

"Nothing, nothing is bothering me." Jude sighed, throwing her head back to watch the light on the ceiling. It was easy to sit next to him in silence, while the sound of her voice still played in her head. "Maybe it's the song, maybe it's just a sucky song."

"The song is wonderful, it's you." David told her standing up. "Once you figure things out, come back, until then I don't want to see you in my studio." He gave her one last simple glance before leaving the room.

Jude reached for her phone, knowing who would make her feel better about failing. "Lunch?" she sent in a simple text message to the girl who seemed to save her life time and time again.

"Bloody hell, thought you'd never ask." The text message replied.

Jude smiled as she left the studio, leaving the building and going into the cold gray London day. She had gotten use to the gray, to the rain, it seemed to match her mood most days. The taxi ride to the spot she knew her friend would be waiting for was comforting, to be out of the rainy day.

"Bad day?" the girl asked, handing her a print out of top charting songs. "Cause this will make it better."

Jude smiled as she looked down at the paper. "It does make it better." She nodded. She had broken the top ten with her last two singles, and they were still pushing the top of the charts.

"Finally nail that song?" Marcie asked, as they were seated at a table.

"Ha." Jude laughed, and rolled her eyes. "I can't, I can't sing it."

"Maybe its time you open that CD your sister sent you." Marcie smiled, and her timing couldn't have been any better. The soft music in the restaurant changed, and the words seemed to cut through both girls minds.

_When will I see you again?  
>You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,<br>No final kiss to seal any seams,  
>I had no idea of the state we were in.<em>

Jude listened to the words, her eyes growing larger with each passing word.

"This is the last Tom Quincy song." Marcie smiled. "It's pretty good, I mean it is getting air time here."

"This?" Jude said pointing up, the song still playing, but now the words seemed to rip at her heart, pulling up tears that Jude had long ago hidden away. Sadie had warned her that there was a song, one that was meant for her, but Jude was been too scared to listen to it, to hear about what she had done to Tom Quincy. But now, sitting in the small café half a world away, she couldn't hide the tears that were pooling in her eyes. She knew she deserved to hurt for leaving him, for making him write something so sad. It made her heart ache, her stomach hurt with guilt.

"Well Canada, I think it's time." Marcie said softly as the song ended.

"Time?" Jude asked, brushing her tears away.

"Write one last song for him, then put it all behind you." Marcie nodded.

One last song? Could she only write one last song about the love that had controlled every song she had written in the last three years? Tommy had been her inspiration for so much, and for so long. She wasn't sure that she would be able to not write about him. But she understood where Marcie was coming from. She first album away from Tommy had been all about Tommy in some way. She had written about needing to fly, needing him, loving him. Love songs, and heart break, it was what she had done best. But now, she was ready, she was really ready to do this on her own.

"One last song." Jude sighed, pulling her leather bound journal from her bag. She knew what she needed to say, she just wasn't sure how to say it. She needed to apologize to him, but she was to chicken to do it to his face, so if this would be the last Tommy song she would write, it would be the best apologize anyone had ever written.

_The grey ceiling on the earth  
>Well it's lasted for a while<br>Take my thoughts for what they're worth  
>I've been acting like a child<br>Your opinion, what is that?  
>It's just a different point of view<em>

Tommy had always told her that she would act like a child, like a seventeen year old girl, like a teenager. But shouldn't she act like that? She was after all only nineteen now, she needed to act her age, she needed to act like a child. And maybe that was why she couldn't say it to his face, because she was still a child. It was very childish of her to leave the way she did, to not explain anything to him, and she knew she would regret that the rest of her life.__

_What else, what else can I do?  
>I said I'm sorry, yeah, I'm sorry<br>I said I'm sorry, but what for?  
>If I hurt you then I hate myself<br>I don't want to hate myself,  
>don't want to hurt you<br>Why do you choose your pain if you only knew  
>How much I love you love you<em>

She did hate herself, she hated herself for hurting him so badly, for leaving the way she did, for choosing her music over him. But she knew that she would do it a hundred times over, no matter how selfish it made her. She had to put her music first, she needed to put herself first. But now, all she needed was for him to understand that she did love him, she was always going to love him. There was no changing her love, but he had chosen to hold onto the pain.__

_Well I won't be your winter  
>And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry<br>And we can be forgiven  
>And I will be here<em>

_Old picture on the shelf  
>It's been there for a while<br>A frozen image of ourselves  
>We were acting like a child<br>Innocence and in a trance  
>A dance that lasted for a while<br>Read my eyes just like a diary  
>Oh remember, please remember<br>Well I'm not a begger, but what's more  
>If I hurt you then I hate myself<br>I don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you  
>Why do you choose that pain if you only knew<br>How much I love you, no_

She thought of the first picture she had hung up in her flat, the picture she looked at every night. Tommy smiling at her, his arms around her waist, but of them unknowing that their happiness would soon run out. They were happy, when they were together, even if it wasn't very long, it felt like a lifetime to Jude. They had spent so much time waiting, waiting for her to be old enough, waiting for everyone to accept them, waiting for Tommy to realize that she was his everything. But it didn't last, it seemed like nothing in Jude's life could last forever, not if it was that good.__

_Well I won't be your winter  
>And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry<br>We can be forgiven  
>And I will be here ohh<em>

_No, I won't be your winter (i wont)  
>And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry<br>And we can be forgiven  
>And I will be here<em>

_I won't be your winter (i wont)  
>And i won't be anyone's excuse to cry<br>And we can be forgiven  
>And I will be here<em>

It took her days to work the whole song out, to piece together everything, and finally be satisfied with it, knowing that Tommy would someday hear it, and understand, and that was the point. This was his last song, their last song.

Jude brushed a single tear away as she finished singing the song. She could already see the look from David, and the new kid Luke. The words had been powerful enough to leave her producer speechless, and she knew that was a good sign.

"Beautiful." Luke whispered.

"We've got what we need, give us the rest of the day to mix it." David told her, nodding. "They want you upstairs, tour dates are in."

"Thanks." Jude nodded, placing the headphones back on their stand. She knew that this song was going to stay in the studio, she wasn't going to be able to perform it, not yet, not ever.

*Sister Hazel Your Winter


	19. Something The I Already Know

I read a story that inspired me to hit shuffle on my iTunes, and then write something based off that song. So this is the end result. It goes back to when Jude left for London. Hope you like it!

* * *

><p>She had been in London for only a few short months, six to be exact, but it felt like a lot shorter time. It had broken her heart to leave home, to leave Sadie when she needed her, to walk away from Jamie and NBR when they needed her as well. It was even hard to leave SME, but with Speid going solo, it was only a matter of time before they wouldn't be her band anymore. It was even harder to leave <em>him<em>. She couldn't say his name without it bring tears to her eyes, and she could hardly think about him without wanting to call him.

Sadie had carefully kept her up to date on how things were going with him. She would talk about things at G Major, about the new Instant Star group, who was working with who. She would keep it light, and bounce around his name when needed. It was like an unspoken rule between the sister, Jude wasn't ready to hear his name, and Sadie wasn't ready to listen to her cry again.

But now she was sitting in one of her first interviews since the move, since completing her fifth album. She was excited, ready to talk about her music, but all everyone wanted to know about still was the night in the basement, and Tommy. Someone their short engagement had been leaked to the press, and Jude could only assume that Karma had something to do with that. She was could never keep a secret.

"Jude, in your last concert in Toronto, you said your head just wasn't in it anymore, where you referring to your relationship with your producer Tommy Q?" the lady asked.

Televised interviews sucked. She hated them, everything about them. She could feel the makeup, thick on her face, and the small box that belonged to the microphone was pushing into her spine. She was already uncomfortable sitting there, but now, to bring him up, it made everything worse.

"Uh, yeah, I guess in a way you could say that." Jude nodded. "But I was more talking about the fact that my head wasn't in Toronto anymore, I was ready to break out on my own, spread my wings a little. I think a lot of artists feel like that after they have been with a label for that long."

"But what about Little Tommy Q?" she asked, and Jude knew this was all they really wanted to talk about.

"We parted on good terms." Lie, she screamed in her head. But she couldn't sit there and tell them the truth, tell them that she was too much of a chicken, that she had to push him away before he pushed it. It was the way their relationship had always worked.

"Then do you two still talk, still there hope out there for all those Jommy fans that you might rekindle your spark?" she wondered.

Jommy? Since when had her and Tommy become Jommy? "You know, right now I am just really focused on my music, dating isn't something I've got the time for. I've got my first European tour coming up, and then next summer I'm going to Asia. That doesn't leave me a lot of time for boys."

"Well then, you heard it here first London, Jude Harrison is a busy girl!"

"And we're off." Someone shouted from off the stage, making Jude breath out in relief.

"Thanks Jude, you did great." The lady smiled and shook her head before being lead off stage somewhere to prepare for the next thing she had to film.

"What the heck is a Jommy?" Marcie asked as Jude joined her back stage, to gather her things.

"I think it's a celebrity couple name, they are big with movie stars." Jude laughed.

"I didn't know you did movies!" Marcie laughed. "So are you going to tell me the truth, about the whole Tommy break up?" It was the first time she had asked, in fact it was the first time anyone close to her had asked for the truth, not the story she had been telling the papers.

"Honestly, I don't know what took us so long to just get to the point where we realized we couldn't be together anymore." Jude shrugged her shoulders. "There was a pattern with us, one that Tommy created by breaking my heart over and over."

"And you always giving it back to him." Marcie nodded.

"We danced around each other for so long, that I don't think we were really thought about how we would be when we were finally together." She sighed. "We were both at different places, he wanted to settle down and get married, live a normal life, and well I, I want this." She motioned to the press that was waiting outside for her. "I'm a rockstar, not a house wife." She whispered before stepping into the madness she had grown to love.

_Here we are, seven days  
>And seven nights of empty tries<br>It's ritual, habitual  
>But it's never gonna work this time<em>

_We're to the point of no return  
>And along the way the only thing we've learned<br>Is how to hurt each other_

_I'm looking back and wondering why  
>It took so long to realize<br>That nothing's changed, it never will  
>All these years of standing still<br>And still we stay in all this pain  
>And nothing's gonna make it go away<em>

_Backstreet Boys- Something That I Already Know_


	20. Only Young

"Dude, it's our song." Speid laughed looking at Jude. "I wrote it for all of us." He motioned around to Kyle and Wally sitting on her couch.

"You three did not fly all the way over to London just for me, did you?" Jude questioned. She was more than glad to have SME in her London flat, but it was unexpected.

"Sure Red, always thinking it's all about you." Kyle laughed.

"Yeah, that ego of yours, want me to pop it?" Wally questioned.

"Dude, we came to perform this song with you." Speid shook his head. "Andrews set it all up, we've got some club gigs to play, plus it's a vacation."

"And you didn't think to tell me you were coming?" Jude asked.

"What, do we need an invite?" Speid asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course not, but I would have liked notice, so I could have cleared my schedule. I do have a life, and a job here." Jude laughed, pulling him into a hug. "I'm really glad you guys are here."

"You'll be even more stoked when we step into a recording booth with you again." He laughed. "This part," he pointed at the lyrics, "I want you to sing it. It's nothing major, so your label shouldn't care to much."

"They won't mind at all." Jude laughed.

_Nothing to do  
>But sit around and make a mess with you<br>Watching the world  
>From rooftop looking down<br>We never care  
>Summertime and we ain't going anywhere<br>No goodbyes..._

Everything about the song explained the way things worked with them. When they were stopped on Jude's first tour, they use to all sit on the top of the tour bus and watch life go on below them. it was the summer of a life time, for all of them. it was the summer that had brought them all together.__

_We're only young... running wild  
>Only young... get it right<br>We've got all the time in the world tonight  
>We're only young... you and I<br>Only young... let it ride  
>Right here... the best night of our lives!<em>

_Let's go down in flames  
>Tomorrows just a million miles away<br>We got tonight  
>So let's tear this town apart<br>We'll never change  
>We'll party like it's graduation day<br>No goodbyes...  
>We'll stay right here...<br>Laugh til we cry..._

Party like graduation night, for SME, the summer they graduated, it was always a party. Then again, most of high school had been like a party to them. they were always up for having fun, and doing something. There were times that Jude was so sure that they owned the town, that they ran it. They could go to clubs down town where everyone knew them, and their music. They had made something for themselves.__

_We're only young... running wild  
>Only young... get it right<br>We've got all the time in the world tonight  
>We're only young... you and I<br>Only young... let it ride  
>Right here... the best night of our lives!<em>

_(Tonight tonight) We'll make some history  
>(Tonight tonight) We'll burn some memories<br>(Tonight tonight) Legends never die  
>(Tonight tonight) It's like a movie<br>(Tonight tonight) The way it should be  
>(Tonight tonight) All we've got is time<em>

"Well go down in history for this." Kyle laughed, standing next to the Royal guards post.

Jude had to take them around London while they were there, it was only right and fair. "Okay, hold still." She too was laughing while she tried to take their picture.

"Dude, hurry up, this isn't easy." Speid laughed, trying to stay still.

"It would be, if you hadn't had four red bulls!" Wally laughed, and that was what broke all three boys, as they fell to the ground, holding their sides, roaring with laughter.

"Epic fail, guys." Jude shook her head at them.

"Hey, it's like Speid wrote, we're only young!" Wally laughed and Jude helped the three fallen boys back to their feet.__

_We're only... and we don't care  
>If we get old... and lose our hair<br>Right now... the best night of our lives_

Jude could remember one of her last nights in Toronto with SME, before Megan, before she even had the idea of leaving. They had all sat down together to talk, talk about their future together. It was something she knew would be coming, Speid wasn't a solo album, Jude didn't have a label, things were changing fast. She stood outside, looking up at the dark sky.

"How long are you going to love me?" Speid asked, coming out through the window to stand next to her. The fire escape was one of her favorite spots.

"What?" the question had taken her back, she wasn't expecting him to say something like that.

"We're Bart and Lisa right now, but how long is that going to last?" he looked like a lost child, and she knew it was harder on him to want to break free than it was for her to let him go. She could see the guilt in his eyes.

"I'm never going to stop." Jude whispered, pulling him into a hug.

"You'll love me until you're old and lose all your hair?" he asked with a laugh, and she knew her friend was back.

"Excuse me?" she pulled back and punched his arm. "I'm not losing my hair."

"I've seen your dad Harrison, it's all about genetics." __

_We're only young... running wild  
>Only young... get it right<br>We've got all the time in the world tonight_

_We're only young... you and I  
>Only young... let it ride<br>Right here... the best night of our lives!_

She watched from the side of the stage as the boys played, it had been easy for her to get them this show, it wasn't one Jamie and set up, this was her gift to them. She cheered loudly with the crowd as their set ended. The crowd, no matter where it was, they always seemed to love them, just like Jude loved them. They could make everything better, make everything seem better. It was like they had powers to bring her up when she down, always able to make her smile, relax. That was why they were her band, her best friends.

"Thank you London, you guys are amazing!" Speid told the crowd. "But before we end, we've got a friend we want to thank, she's sort of the whole reason we came all the way over here."

She was confused, they hadn't mentioned this to her.

"I'm sure you all know and love her, so help me welcome my favorite dude, Jude Harrison." He waved her to join them.

"Thank you." Jude said waving out to the crowd, giving Speid a side hug. "Aren't these guys amazing!"

"Well London, before we finish, we've got one last song we'd like to play, if my dude here will agree to help?" he spoke into the microphone, but looked at Jude.

"Anything for my boys." Jude laughed. She should have figured they would want to do this song.

"Only Young, guys."

_Bowling For Soup- Only Young_


	21. Chapter 21

So I started this out as a mini, but I think it's inspired me to write about married life. Let me know what you guys think.

* * *

><p>Sadie scrambled to dial the number, the freshly printed picture still clutched in her hand. It was a Tuesday, the one day of the week she could manage to find time to go to the grocery store while the nanny stayed home with Anna. Sadie hadn't purposefully named her daughter after a Beatles song, not the way her father had done to her and Jude, she had loved the name, and had no idea of the connection to the band. It had also been Kwest's grandmother's name, making it a win-win for both of them, and a great story during the holidays.<p>

But now she was rushing out of the store, leaving a long list of much needed supplies, and a full chart behind her. She had been on her way to the checkout line when the latest picture of her sister caught her eye. To anyone else it would have been a rather normal picture of the Rock star and her husband, sitting at some café still enjoying their honeymoon, but to Sadie it was so much more than that, she saw so much more than that.

"Hey, I was going to call you today." Jude breathed carelessly as she answered her phone. "Tommy and I were talking, we're thinking about coming home for Anna's birthday."

"I would hope so, considering you missed the last one." Sadie allowed herself to forget about her reason for calling, the thought of her sister missing another birthday party angered her. She knew that Jude had been busy, but she had thought, now that her baby sister was married, she would see the importance of family.

Jude laughed easily. After her wedding with Tommy, the couple had moved to Seattle, so Tommy could finish up his contract there, and ever since then they had been on what Jude had called their honeymoon. She knew it was ridiculous, they couldn't really have a honeymoon that would last for years, but she had no reason to call it anything different. They would travel around, doing as they pleased and finally enjoying each other after so much time.

"You missed your last release party as well, are you planning on missing this one?" Sadie snapped. She couldn't stand how careless Jude had become once she was married. Yes she was still putting out music, chart topping music none the less, and an album that had won her her first Grammy, but the couple still seemed to act like teenagers, not settling anywhere.

"We won't be in London, Tommy book us a trip to Brazil." Sadie could hear the smile in her voice. "But I know you didn't call just to be angry about all of that, so what's up?" she asked.

"Oh, right." Sadie looked back at the picture in her head, and the seriousness of what she was going to say sunk back in. "I was just looking at some of latest pictures of you too."

"Sadie, we get out pictures taken just about every day," she didn't know what could be so special about this picture. "What's the story this time, still searching for a baby bump?" she laughed, rolling her eyes, knowing that only Tommy could her could see her. Ever since they had announced their marriage to the public it seemed every few weeks that was the question, was she or wasn't she.

"Actually." Sadie laughed, if only Jude knew what Sadie saw in the picture. "It's not about a baby bump, but it should be."

"What?" Jude asked quickly confused.

"Jude, you're drinking lemon water." She whispered, shaking her head at the picture.

"No." Jude said back, her eyes popping out of her head while she looked down at the drink in her hand, the one she had just requested. She looked back up at his husband, but she seemed clueless to what was taking place.

"You're so pregnant." Sadie laughed after a second. It was the curse that ran in their family, Sadie had done it, their mother, her mother, and even their great grandmother, as the story went. It was the first sign they were with child.

"Oh my apples." She whispered, pushing the glass away from her as she stood up, knocking it over. All she could do was watch in horror as the water leaked into the cloth, dripping onto the floor. How could she had not seen this, how did she not know?


End file.
